"My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow." - Rita Rudner
"Coexistence… what the farmer does with the turkey – until Thanksgiving." - Mike Connolly
"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often." - Johnny Carson
"We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing." - George Carlin
"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day." - Irv Kupcinet
"It must be an odd feeling to be thankful to nobody in particular. Christians in public institutions often see this odd thing happening on Thanksgiving Day. Everyone in the institution seems to be thankful ‘in general.’ It’s very strange. It’s a little like being married in general." - Cornelius Plantinga, Jr
"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land." –Jon Stewart
"May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy. Have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious, And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!" - unknown (yet)
"I love Thanksgiving turkey … it’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts." –Arnold Schwarzenegger
